


fuck the eye of the beholder

by The_Onion_Wanton



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: "hey babe liches made me ugly", happy!, no beholders present or mentioned, not that kind of a fic, whats better than that? just boys working through some issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-06 23:46:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11046843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Onion_Wanton/pseuds/The_Onion_Wanton
Summary: Taako’s eyes snapped back up to face his; he looked angry. “Okay, don’t feed me that shit, bublah.”Kravitz blinked.“Like, the Everyone Is Beautiful speech doesn’t work on me, okay? I have a mirror, homie, I know what I did.”





	fuck the eye of the beholder

Kravitz watched two of the Bureu’s employers — former employers? Bureau kind of did cease existing, somewhere during this whole endeavour— recognized them as the women from Lucas’ lab. The orc was holding the dragonborn’s head in her hands, a ring on her finger.

He swallowed. It all felt surreal.

“Hey, thug.”

His head snapped up; a smile stretched across his lips, almost out of his control.

Taako winked down at him before taking a seat himself. “Mind if I?”

“Looks like you already have.”

“Ye _p_ ,” Taako nudged his shoulder. “So.”

Kravitz hummed.

“We did it.”

“You sure did.”

“Naw, naw, naw, compadre.” Taako gripped his shoulder, met his eyes; Kravitz had trouble not looking away. “ _We_ did it.”

God, he was kind of beautiful. “We did.”

A smile.

Kravitz’s long-since-unbeating heart did a flip.

Taako, seeming suddenly aware of their proximity, flinched away; tugged at his braid.

“Well, now that that executive bullshit is out of the way—”

Kravitz chuckled.

“There’s something I actually wanted to talk to you about.” Taako was looking away; his long legs were stretched out before him, bouncing.

“Oh.” Kravitz reached out, tried to touch his hand; Taako flinched, again. _Oh._ “Go ahead, then.”

A beat. Taako took in a deep breath, loosened his coat.

“Right, so.” He was still not looking at Kravitz. “Before, uh, this whole hungry shizbiz went down, tres horny boys had a bit of an adventure too—”

“Hate to interrupt—”

“ _Then don’t_ —”

Kravitz shut his mouth.

“Jesus,” Taako sighed. “You can finish the thought, Kravitz.”

“Right,” Awkard. “You do adventure a lot.”

Taako snuck him a look.

“I didn’t have a joke prepared,” Kravitz said. “Just. Wanted to say that.”

“Kravitz.”

“Yes?”

“Shut up.”

The way he said it was _almost_ fond. Kravitz flushed, nodded.

“Right-o,” Taako went back to leg-bouncing. “We kind of maybe lowkey killed two liches.”

Kravitz’ eyebrow went up— he said nothing, though.

“Wow, you’re really staying quiet,” Taako chuckled. Sounded almost hysterical. “Cool. Cool, cool, _cool_. Well!”

He was fidgeting with his hands now too.

Kravitz couldn’t stop himself— reached out—

“We had to— stop touching me!”

Kravitz froze.

Taako exhaled.

“Seriously, dude.” He crossed his arms. “You need to learn the definition of personal space, stat.”

“I—” Kravitz breathed. “I’m so sorry.”

“Mhm.”

“That wasn’t appropriate.”

“Cool.”

“What happened with the liches?” A beat. “If I still have the privilege of finding out.”

“ _The privilege of_ — jesus.” And suddenly, Taako was in his face; breath hot, eyes fluttering shut.

“Taako?”

“ _Shit!_ ” Taako jumped back. “And after I did the whole _respect-my-space_ speech—”

“Did you try to kiss me?”

Taako cut off mid-sentence. Stared at Kravitz, deer-in-the-headlights.

“Taako?”

“Okay,” he breathed. “Okay.”

And then—

Taako was staring at him as if something was different and —

“Woah, that bad, huh?”

Kravitz frowned. Taako was looking away, eyes a little glossy.

“Welp,” he mumbled. “There go the waterfalls.”

“Taako,” Kravitz said, for the umpteenth time today. “What’s going on?”

Taako’s head snapped back to face his; he looked angry. “Okay, don’t feed me that shit, bublah.”

Kravitz blinked.

“Like, the Everyone Is Beautiful speech doesn’t work on me, okay? I have a mirror, homie, I know what I did.”

“Taako—”

Taako waved a hand before his face, laughed. “Like, I— okay, could be worse, I’ve seen the guys I work with, but—” His laughter was growing hysterical. “Jesus, look at you!”

“Taako, I don’t understand—”

“You’re hot as _fantasy hell_ , pun not intended, and—” He put both his palms to his face, made a sound that was half-laugh half-screech. “We’ve been on _one_ date and no one falls for personalities in real life, not after _one date_ to a fucking pottery class—”

“I did?”

Taako lowered his hands. Looked unimpressed.

“I mean—” Kravitz swallowed. Tugged at his collar. “I’m dead, Taako.”

“Yeah,” Taako nodded. “Yeah, that’d be— shit, does that mean I’m into necrophilia?”

“I don’t—”

“I mean, you agreed to go on a date with the dude who cast tentacles on you the minute you met, you have no higher ground to speak of, but—”

“Wow.”

“Oh, shit, I totally vored you in that lab, didn’t I?”

“Can we please stop having this conversation?”

Taako was laughing— genuine laughing, now.

“Okay, okay, but.” He breathed, calmed down. “Do you really not see it?”

“See what?” 

“My face.” Taako was staring him down. “It’s—”

Kravitz leaned in closer, studying— Taako flushed, looked away.

“What about it?”

“Jesus,” Taako swatted at him. “I gave my beauty away.”

Kravitz arched an eyebrow.

“In the Wonderland— forget it.” Taako rubbed at his eyes. “Do you really not see it?”

Kravitz, focusing now, noticed a few details; lashes shorter, skin not as glowing, bags under his eyes deeper; he’d chalked it up to, well, exhaustion of the battle.

“Well, they must have taken a measly amount,” he said. “That, or you just have an infinite supply.”

There was a beat. Taako’s eyes were holding his, wide. Oddly vulnerable.

Then he started snickering.

“Aw, come on.” Kravitz grinned. He really liked Taako’s laugh, he was finding out.

“That was the cheesiest fucking line you ever pulled.”

“That’s what you think.”

“Oh my god.”

“But seriously,” Kravitz shrugged. “When we first met, you were offering to feed me innocent souls. The third time we met, your umbrella tried to kill me.”

“Yeah, turns out that’s my twin.”

“Your what now?”

“Later,” Taako shooshed him. “What are you aiming at here, handsome?”

Kravitz bit his lip, tried to not preen. “That while, well, your looks sure are a bonus,” he bit his lip, looked away. “No one is hot enough to get away with all the shit you pulled on me.”

A swat on his arm— well deserved. At least Taako was laughing.

“So it was the vore that did it, huh.” His hand was still up, readying another attack. “That’s what you're getting at, huh?”

“What I’m getting at is,” Kravitz reached out, a question.

Taako hesitated for the briefest second; then reached out, intertwined their fingers.

“You make me laugh,” Kravitz said. Squeezed. “You make me worry. You make me...god.”

“Yeah,” Taako whispered. “Cheesy things just don’t stop coming, huh.”

Kravitz shooshed him. “You’re the most individual person I’ve met in my life.”

Taako was biting his lip. “And death.”

“Well, now…”

“No, no, don’t blow this for me.” Taako was leaning into the touch. “Tell me I’m a complex character.”

“Is that another fetish?”

“You know it.”

Kravitz laughed. Reached up with his second hand, rested it on Taako’s back.

“You’re pretty….interesting.” He squeezed Taako’s hand again. “And if you’d let me, I’d love to stick around.”

Taako nodded. “Cool.”

“Cool.”

“Yeah.”

A beat passed. Taako shifted closer; casually slid one hand on Kravitz’s knee. It took an embarrassing amount of focus to keep his flesh form going.

“So,” he tried, half as a distraction, half because not knowing was killing him. “Your twin is an umbrella?”

**Author's Note:**

> ahh yes the two genres, chatlog fics and heart2heart oneshots  
> "why is it fantasy hell but just god" embrace it
> 
> @the-onion-slut (tumblr) @onionProstitute (twitter) come say hi!
> 
> (tnx for reading <3)


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